Yoga Teacher Mamas/Papas-- On leading retreats

Maybe I'm just in my mid-30's now and so I notice more yoga teacher mamas...or maybe it's because there are so many more yoga teachers now, and so there are more teacher mamas? Either way, it's cool to see more dedicated yoga teachers becoming parents and making it work.

Being a dedicated yoga teacher while also being a dedicated Mama (or Papa) is great because it's typically a welcoming job environment and a flexible schedule. I'm super grateful and lucky in that regard. But at the same time it's not all flowers and meditation. wink emoticon
It takes a lot of discipline to fit in your own practice, continue to study, read, learn, in order to offer space for the students you teach, for yourself, and for your family. It's much harder now with a baby and a 4 year old, too. And luckily I have a supportive partner in so many ways (emotionally, spiritually, financially...) to help this all work.
This is why I only teach one public class a week. The rest of my teaching stuffs have been private prenatal session, special workshops or events, and my big love are my retreats!

Word on retreats for all my fellow Yoga teacher mamas with tiny kiddos who want to make retreats happen:

-Yes, my boys come along. They are not part of the classes or any intimate moments (unless it calls for them, which sometimes the moment welcomes them), but they are nearby/included for meals and adventures.

-I feel it's super awesome and important that while they are young and not tied down by school that they are getting to experience travel, see their mama doing her work that she loves, getting a wide array of contact with all types of humans, and learning to be adaptable. When they are both over age 5, then I will most likely not be bringing them as much, and/or not leading as many retreats that require long distance, as they will need me home. So, I'm soaking it in now while I can and planning my retreats with care.

-I let my retreat participants know that they will be along. I'm grateful that my peeps are welcoming to the kid energy.

-That said, this is also why I've developed my retreats in places that I've been to so many times, that I know well and that I feel comfortable with. Less surprises. More people and contacts.
On Nantucket, it's part of my husband's family and so there's usually always family around to help with the kiddos. In Iceland, my husband is always there too and we know what to expect with the kiddos (it will be Isak's 3rd trip soon!).

-I keep my retreats small and manageable and I have a collaborator/co-teacher, plus help in the form of my husband and/or a babysitter.

-I breastfeed and am dedicated to this art. I go as long as needed for my child and myself. SO my baby must come along for the ride! I didn't leave Isak overnight until he was 2.5 when I went to Mexico for retreat once we had weaned! With Gus still less than a year, it's a no brainer that my whole family would be coming with on retreats. In a few years, this probably won't be the case and so I savor it for now as stated in all reasons above. smile emoticon

*In general, loves, know that all of us parents, whether yoga teachers or not, struggle during these first years with tiny babies, toddlers, and preschoolers. It takes much more discipline in your own practice and self-care to manage your time, much more attention to your partner and family as a whole, much more dedication to your art and work. I am the first to admit that I do not practice or meditate every single day. Do I aim for just a little something, yes. I try to fit in at least 5-10 minutes each day to breathe by myself, hold a yin pose, or do a few rounds of salutations. Does it always happen? No. But the mindfulness of over 15 years of practice and almost a decade of teaching remains in my spirit and I do the best I can. We all do the best we can. We do have extra responsibility during these delicate years and it's important to move slower, honor this stage, and release all of the expectations. Oh those pesky expectations. Many days my yoga ends up being holding my cranky baby while he naps because that is what works. Or holding my own cranky self in a long bath or a long savasana because that is what works. I learn so much in these moments and it can for sure translate onto the mat when you practice and teach.
As my peer/friend, Nancy Alder, says: Parenting is Yoga! For sure.

So, go get 'em Yoga Mamas!! Know yourself. Take on what you can handle, allow for mistakes and learning experiences, and have fun keeping up what you love and who you are.

My 4 year old joining in for yoga.

Sometimes popsicles and ice cream are had just before dinner.

Slowing down on gorgeous days to nurse my baby and lay in the yard.

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What I put on my Skin

I've been asked recently more than once about certain products I'm using that are non-toxic and full of goodness. It's such a bummer that we have to be so vigilant about what's hiding in the products we use on our bodies and around house. Just like with the food we eat, what we put on our skin matters! Our skin is our largest organ and since most of us can't buy all organic clothing, all organic food, and all organic skincare all of the time for financial and other reasons...I still believe that we can do our best to try when we can. There are some products you might simply love and refuse to give up. Hey, it's your life and you gotta have fun and enjoy things sometimes. But, I encourage you to seek out information about those favorite products on EWG or elsewhere. See if you can lighten your load of gunky stuff entering your body and the ones you love as much as you can. It matters, truly. It became even more important to me once I was pregnant with my first child. Like I said, do what you can when staying aware to your skincare. It's all about finding a balance of it that works for you and your family and often takes some trial and error as everyone's skin is so different! So here are some of my favorite skincare things and information. 

Pangea Organics
This is an amazing eco-centric company founded by a guy who started out making his own soaps and selling them at farmers markets in Colorado. For a company that has grown beyond farmers markets, I believe in the work they are doing to make high quality skincare with purpose, with great ingredients, that are fair trade, and that work! I am happy to be an independent beauty ecologist with them (meaning, you can buy the products through me...see the link). I use the oily/combo skincare on my face daily, the lip balm, the body oil, and the soaps. If you're in Somerville, MA...you can try out the hand soap at Bow Street Yoga where I teach, as I have it in the bathroom there. Or I can get you a sample at any time. My suggestion is to start by trying the soaps and lip balm. These are products the whole family can use and will give you an eye into what they are like. I feel so good having the soaps in every bathroom and the kitchen and that my kids use them. I even use the soaps and body oil on the baby. 

Beautycounter (makeup)-- 
I've now been using the Dew skin tinted moisturizer with spf from this company and I must say I'm in love with it. It's super light and blends right into my skin. It smells and feels great. Love it! I also got a lip sheer and I must say it's also fantastic. These two products are all I need for my spring/summer routine. You can buy them online through my friend Lauren's site through the link. Check out the info on this company adding to the natural beauty field out there. I don't wear a lot of makeup but when I do I like knowing that it's safe and lovely. 
I also get things sometimes at Cambridge Naturals or Whole Foods if the mood strikes...like natural nail polish, mascara, or lipsticks. 

Follain--
This amazing store started here in Boston and now has 2 Boston shops, one in DC, and one on Nantucket! Plus, you can buy on the website. It's a one-stop shop for an awesome variety of organic and non-toxic beauty, skincare, haircare for women, men, and kids. I highly recommend. Some of my favorite lines there include: Shamanuti, Herbivore Botanicals, and Soapwalla. 

Herbal Revolution--
The luscious amber-rose body butter is my favorite ever! It's amazing on my legs post-shaving. But I also used it on my huge pregnant belly and now on my postpartum belly still. In addition to this, I am a loyal customer of their teas, tinctures, elixirs. High-quality, good vibes from the earth everything. You can find them at Herbstalk this June!

Perfume to the People--
Beautiful, delicious, interesting, supportive, gentle on the skin, loving smells and potions made with high vibin' energy by one of my favorite women and locally here in Cambridge, MA. Love, love, love. 

DIY-- 
I like making my own coffee-coconut oil-sugar scrub that I use in the shower. You can get ideas online or play around with recipes. Sometimes I add peppermint oil to it, too. 
You can try making your own masks for your face, or even take a class or consultation on crafting your own beauty products with my gal, Steph. 
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In person events related to this topic:

--Come to HERBSTALK June 6-7 in Somerville, MA if you want to learn more about all things herbal and buy amazing locally-made, herbal skincare from the marketplace!

--Thursday, June 11th in Cambridge, I'll be at Pangea Connects with other 
Pangea Organics supporters to share love and support for this wonderful company. Come have wine and snacks with us to learn more on a late Spring evening. 

--June 19-23 is my Women's Solstice Retreat on Nantucket with herbalist extraordinnaire, Steph Zabel! We still have room open and we will be discussing more about such things, plus  we will take a trip to the Nantucket Follain shop!

xoxoxo Happy Spring-ing and healthy Skin!

ICELAND Retreat, September 2015

September 22-27, 2015

Autumn Equinox Full Moon Retreat

Yoga::Herbalism::Art Inspiration

For creatives looking to connect with themselves, Spirit, and Nature, as one in the same, 

under the guidance of 

Jenn Falk and Steph Zabel!

This retreat will overlap both with our shift into the Autumn season, and the year's most powerful Super (Full) Moon!

As healers and life long friends, we first traveled to this magical land back in 2008. It is a soul home for us and we are honored to be able to share our knowledge of yoga and the plant world coupled with our enthusiasm for this beautiful country!

This retreat is for all looking to tune into their creativity and for nurturing time spent in the Icelandic countryside next to the sea, lava fields, waterfalls, and a high vibrational glacier.

(The  Snaefellsjokull glacier has been a never-ending source of inspiration for poets and artists from around the world. Indeed, more than a few people say they feel a powerful influence from the glacier and consider it to be one of the world’s seven most potent energy sources.)

Fall Color in the moss

The view from our hotel on the Snaefellsnes in the autumn

Snaefellsjokul glacier

Our hotel for the first few nights--
all photos by yours truly

Jenn will lead daily yoga and meditation for all levels of practitioners. We will combine hatha, vinyasa, yin, and mindfulness techniques to bring our attention to our presence in every moment.

This will be Jenn's 7th trip (3rd yoga retreat) to Iceland. It is truly her heart's home and she absolutely adores sharing it with friends new and old.

Steph will guide us through daily learning adventures with the herbal world. We will learn local flora on some hikes and plant walks, and also spend time crafting teas and learning about how to heal ourselves body/mind/spirit through plants.

Limited to 10 people for an intimate energy.

$2,950 per person (airfare not included)

small % of proceeds will be donated to Icelandic Environmental Conservation Group

Included in the price:

- 3 nights in double/twin rooms at Hotel Budir on the Snaefellsnes Peninsula

- 2 nights in double/twin rooms at a B&B in Stykkisholmur, on the other side of same peninsula

-5 breakfasts and 5 two-course dinners 

- Daily classes: 1 yoga and 1 herbal class on all days except for the transition travel day

- Iceland transportation: we will have an Icelandic driver/guide 

-entrance and towel to Blue Lagoon

Not included:

Airfare

Lunches and Food Extras

**We have priced this trip for shared rooms 
(2 friends wanting to share, or a couple). The $2950/person price means rooming with someone. 
If you would like a private single room, the price will increase a bit. Be in touch and I will give you details. jpyogini@gmail.com

**Non-Refundable Deposits of $1,000 to hold your spot

Itinerary:

Fly overnight into Keflavik airport, arriving early morning of Tuesday, 9/22. (We will help you find your flights if needed, but the booking is up to you.)

We will greet you at the airport, have breakfast there and get acquainted before heading to the Blue Lagoon to rejuvenate for a couple hours after travel.

We will head from there straight out to West Iceland (approx. 2 1/2-3 hour journey taking in the beauty of the land) to our gorgeous hotel on the Snaefellsnes Peninsula. We will settle in and have a snack, then take time for a welcome meditation/opening ritual and short practice before our first dinner together.

The next 2 days will be spent doing yoga, finding solitude in nature, hiking, sitting in meditation, learning about plants, journaling, eating amazing local food, finding adventure, inspiration and magic with the autumn equinox, breathing deep, connecting with yourself and one another...

Friday morning we then head to the northern tip of the peninsula to Stykkisholmur, where we will move into to a lovely bed and breakfast/apartments. Here we will continue with similar energy. We will get to practice yoga in the amazing Library of Water both days, soak in our own hot tub and/or use the town's wonderful swimming facilities, have more hikes and explorations, and magical classes on plants! Saturday night we will honor the Full Super Moon with ritual. 

On Sunday we will depart for Reykjavik for our last moments together as a group. We will take a special walking tour of the city with the fantastic I heart Reykjavik walking tour! We will have lunch together and will close with a short meditation. At this point you can decide to stay on in Reykjavik to explore on your own (we will help you find lodging before the trip) or we can organize your departure back to the airport.

**Please note that Icelandic weather can be extremely unpredictable. This means our daily activity for hikes or excursions may change last minute if conditions are limited. This is part of the beauty of the land and all participants will need to stay open to this possibility. Thanks!

Please be in touch with any questions or to hold your spot!! 

email: jpyogini@gmail.com

Teaching Reflections

Full Moon energy is always the time during the cycle of a month for reflection and realization. I recently realized it was 9 winters ago that I began my yoga teaching journey, after 4 years of practicing yoga. I remember those early days well and it's both felt like I've been teaching forever, and yet hardly long at all. These years have taught me so much! I'm truly lucky I found my passion at a young age, and I can't wait to keep growing older and wiser along with it. Here are some thoughts of what almost a decade of teaching yoga has taught me. 

-i am my own best guru, teacher, and guide. we need a teacher or teachers to provide us mentorship, inspiration, and support, but my intuition provides exactly what my deepest insights to my own body and spirit need.

-ebbs and flows are natural and real while doing what you love. just stay curious about inspecting the ups and downs, and stay present through it all.

-making mistakes are keys to your future and your journey to being great. own up to them even when hard. some people might not take it the right way or understand when you do own up to them, but that's not about you. just stay honest and true to yourself.

-if i help just one person feel better in their body, mind, or spirit, then i'm doing the work. 
it doesn't matter that i haven't taught to huge groups, or at big events. it doesn't matter to win recognition or be an ambassador for something. i used to think so some years ago because our society places value on such things and we can get trapped in that mindset as a limit of our worth.
i am my own ambassador of my unique magic to share the practice of yoga for what it is to me.

-i almost helped start a teacher training but my first son came instead. this was the path of higher learning i needed at that time--motherhood. and who knows if i will help lead a training someday. what i do know is that i've helped countless students who have walked into my classes feel inspired to become teachers themselves, or deepen their studies with a training. that is my privilege on this path and i am grateful to see so many thriving, as yoga continues to grow, grow, grow.

-i've evolved as a teacher and student. as we learn more about the body, our minds, and how yoga effects us as humans, the way we teach must also evolve.
at the same time, i'm still me. i still teach with the moon cycles and seasons, and i still care about energy and emotional states.
allow yourself to grow and hold on to the things that make your teaching and practice YOU

-i've learned how to monitor myself. how to be of care to myself in all aspects. how to keep my teaching and practice sustainable for me and my family. how to be interested. how to be compassionate, forgiving, generous, humble, grateful, energized, relaxed, empty, full, honest, joyful...and so on. i've been burnt out before and know how to recognize when it could come on. i honor that now and take the time.
like right now...as a mom to 2 littles, i know enough about myself that i can't teach a lot and still be the mom, wife, teacher, and creative that i want to be. this is my current cycle and the time will come again to bring things up a notch.

-i've discovered and continue seeking what i'm passionate about as a teacher.
i've learned that i love teaching to women of all stages. i love leading retreats in places i have a deep connection to because it makes for a transformative, deeper retreat. i love collaborating with other teachers. i love sharing parts of how i teach, practice, and live on social media because it forms a connection and builds trust. i love helping people love themselves and staying open myself about the fact that i'm always striving for the same. i love interesting music for class. i love lots of yoga styles and don't hesitate to bring them together when needed.

-always listen to your body. just because you did something 9 years ago or 2 years ago, doesn't mean it's right for your body right now. we are meant to change, age, learn from injuries, go through pregnancies, or whatever else causes your practice to change. resist trying to push yourself through just to attain what you think is perfect. there is no perfect, there is only you.

-pay attention to what you're good at. i'm both shy and friendly/outgoing. gentle and strong. quiet and loud. it always depends on the situation, the environment, the surrounding energies. this is part of my own makeup and it means that I excel depending on those things, and my current state of personality. we are complex beings, and when i try to be something i'm not, it doesn't work. students notice it and you will too. teach whatever and however you are meant to shine. this could look 360 degrees different than the next teacher that walks into the studio, and yet you might get some of the same students. that's the beauty of it.

-try not to take things personally. because you're growing, learning, changing, and being you...people will come and go from your classes. they might have jived with you then, but not now with your new ways of sharing your practice and that's totally cool. often, you may find them coming back down the road or you yourself changing back to the old ways again at times too. it's all good.

-take risks. i've learned so much when i've just tried something. maybe a new sequence idea, or new way of describing something in class. sometimes it may not work, but you have to find out. and with retreats...i knew that i could create a wonderful experience, so i just went for it. sometimes i've only gotten a handful of people but it's still worked and allowed me to learn so much. bottom line--just do it.

Sending Love out to all of you out there aiming to do what you love and continue pushing forward to achieve it!

"You may doubt it, but the Leo Full Moon has news for you: you are not a satellite, not a reflection of anyone else. You are the Sun, filled with your own light, golden and warming, spilling out around the edges when your guard is down. When you laugh, your eyes sparkle. When you speak from your heart, you’re thrilling to behold. Just look at you.

You are filled with your own light."

by April Elliot Kent from www.mooncircles.com

 photo by Cara Brostrom

Rejuvenating Sequence for the Mamas with littles

Earlier this week, my 16 week old fell asleep in his little bouncy seat around 7:00pm. My husband was playing with my 3 1/2 year old as they began to get ready for bath time. So I grabbed my mat and busted out a 30 minute practice in the dim lights of the room where my baby was sleeping. Noise all around, fleeting time, achy shoulders and back from all the baby wearing that day...and a moment of energy that I knew I just couldn't waste. This sequence was what I practiced. It flowed out of my body naturally and also with my mind on the fact that the moon was in Cancer (my sun sign).
So, mamas out there, if you get a moment like this, maybe test this sequence out and see how you feel. Nurturing Love to you all!
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~Start in tadasana (mountain pose) at the top of your mat. Close your eyes and place your hands over your heart to check in with your current state and set your breath and intention for the moments of peace you have just now.
~When ready, slowly fold to uttanasana. Stay as long as you like, or even do some shaking out in it.
~After 1 minute or so in your fold, then step left foot back for a low lunge (back knee down). After a few breaths, then lift arms up to the sky. Stay stable in your feet-pelvis-low back (no sticking ribs and belly forward).
~Now find your way to plank pose. Hold a few breaths (knees down if you need) and practice exhaling the belly button toward the spine to continue knitting your muscles back after having given birth. If knees aren't already down, then lower to supported pushup and go ahead and take a supported, steady push-up. Then end up on your belly and take a few breaths in cobra. Then exhale to down dog. Stay as long as you like to move and feel it. Then walk feet to top of mat. Come up to tadasana.
**Repeat on other side from uttanasana. Step right foot back for low lunge…

~Once you're back in down dog for a few breaths, take a 1 minute child's pose. Scan your body and breath.
~Come back to down dog, then plank pose. Hold as long as you can. Then stay controlled to lower all the way to belly to rest with arms stacked under your forehead. Release tension by rocking head side to side over your hands.
~When ready, take your locust pose. Rest for a few moments. Then try it again. Rest. Maybe one more time if you have it in you. Rest.
~Now take a yin-like sphinx pose for about 1 min. Afterwards, shake your legs out and rest. Then find your way to down dog. From there, back to the top of your mat for tadasana.

*You may need to pause for a moment to rock the bouncer if baby is stirring. Ha! I had to do this a few times and luckily it worked.

~Fold to uttanasana. Step right foot back, keep right hand to the mat and lift your left arm high for an opening lunge twist. Keep that right leg strong and really breathe into the expansion that your breath allows to move through your torso and spine. After a few breaths, drop that right knee down, step the left foot out wider to the left and come to your lizard lunge. After a moment, maybe even twist to grab your back foot for a thigh-quadricep stretch (please listen to body as this might not be there for many of you). From here, move into your half-pigeon pose. (Move your left foot down and over to the right with your left knee out a bit wider than your left shoulder and hip. Right leg moving straight back out of hip, with hip flexors facing down toward the mat.) Take any variation of it that you like. Probably head down and supported. Stay as long as you need (probably 3-5 minutes).
Then move to down dog to shake it all out.
**Repeat on other side from uttanasana. Step left foot back…

~After you end up in pigeon on the new side for the full-length of time, then swing that back leg around to come to seated and then make your way onto your back. Hug knees to chest and take circles on back to rinse spine and back muscles and feel your hips and take it all in so far.
~When ready, plant feet to the mat hip-width and place arms by your side. Lift pelvis up for Bridge pose. Take any variation you need and hold a few breaths. If this feels good (felt SO good to me), then do it 2 more times. Maybe a short wheel pose if it's calling you (I did my first one at this moment…which was my first one since giving birth, and it felt right. May not be right yet for many. Depends on YOUR body, your birth experience, your current state).
~My baby was starting to stir at this point and I could hear bath time was almost over, so I took savasana for as long as I could (I think it was 3 min.) before both kiddos were in need of mama.

This practice helped change my mood, soften my nervous system from a current cold I've been battling, and help me move into a gentle place of self-love. It's a constant process. Cheers to all you mamas for being you and loving so much. 

www.yoginijennfalk.com for upcoming Prenatal, Mom & Baby, and Yoga just for Mamas sessions

4th Trimester:Post Partum Body Image and Yoga

Now that I'm 3 months postpartum, I am so happy to exist beyond the pregnancy and feel at ease with how amazing it all is again to get to nourish a little being into this life.  It is nice, however, to begin feeling at least a little tiny bit like my old self again. That said, I told myself after looking back at my first postpartum experience that I wouldn't care about my pregnancy weight gain this time around. That I'm sure a year after birth, I'll look back at this time with gratitude for the experience and wonder why I ever cared. Well, that's true and all but the fact that I still have a good sized squishy belly and am still 2-3 sizes from my usual size is something that I'd say the majority of women face in the early months postpartum. 
It isn't a problem, it's simply a transition. I have the cutest, healthiest little dude a mama could ask for. I am so loving up this special time and in no rush to speed it up, but it's also nice and helpful to other mamas out there if I open up about this stuff. So in my quest to keep things relatable, and I suppose that's all relative...I am happy to share the final photoshoot (see previous post) with the brilliant Cara Brostrom from our almost year-long adventure through my pregnancy experience.

I like putting this topic out there again, as I did after I had Isak, because I hear it from my mama friends, my sisters, and my mama students. I feel it's important to talk openly, as women, about every aspect of motherhood and this whole experience. The difference now is that Instagram is around and social media in general makes it easier for all sorts of body images to be shared. I love that platform just as much as the next yoga teacher 
(ha!) so I'm not hatin' on it, just trying to keep it real. We live in a society that puts a lot of pressure on moms in general, but the pressure to slim down post-baby in our culture can be extremely offensive and annoying. Even if you don't pay attention to media, many well wishers (I'm so guilty of this as well) will comment, "You look great!" after baby comes out. It's the first thing people say maybe because it's what they think we want to hear? And hey, maybe we do look great but there's much more at work behind the newly postnatal mama. I know people mean no harm and are probably genuine in sentiment, but per usual to our trained brains in this culture, we often comment first to women on how they look. It can be enough to send a new mama into spiraling thoughts about her appearance. It's something to try and notice and try to catch yourself on. 
How about,"Congrats on bringing life into the world, you amazing creature! What can I do for you?" or "You seem so natural as a mother!"
Instead we get glances at our bellies like they should be miraculously flat again. I even had an acquaintance ask when I was only a few weeks postnatal, "are you expecting again?" Doh! To which I replied, "No, I just had the baby." The person then looked at my middle and said, "Oh, you look great!" Case in point...

Luckily, I have fantastic friends, a loving and supportive husband, and a sister going through it all at the same time that I can vent to weekly. I don't mean to perpetuate the topic, but when I see the majority of postnatal yoga images or yoga teachers showing off their advanced asanas and already toned bodies after baby on Instagram, or in books or on blogs...it's evident that that standard gets out much more than the flip side. 
Well, the reality is that most new mamas take time in losing the weight and take time to build their practice again. There are only a small percentage who can continue right back into arm balances and bikini wearing after the first few months. To them, more power to ya! It might be truly who they are and I have nothing against either of those things. I've been there...just not until a good year and a half to two years postpartum. And something tells me that's more of the timeline that most yoginis (teachers or not) can relate to. For many, and perhaps myself now after a 2nd birthing, baring skin in a bikini again isn't as much on my priority list. I simply want to look as strong and radiant as I feel. That could end up taking shape in a variety of directions and I know when I eventually get to that place again, I'll be okay with wherever I end up. 

You see, I didn't overeat all the time while pregnant (of course I indulged sometimes as those cravings you hear of can be no joke). I practiced yoga throughout my pregnancy (as you've witnessed in my photo journey here on this blog). I ate nourishing, mostly vegetarian meals full of variety, nutrition and flavors. I still gained 50 pounds just as I did with my first pregnancy. This was hard because I told myself that this wouldn't happen again, plus I felt like I was even more active this time around since it was Spring and Summer, but alas the pounds piled on. (Just so you gain perspective: I am usually 120-125 lbs. on a lean 5'5" frame. I've always set exercise and nutrition as a priority, being a yoga teacher and former athlete.)
I realize now that this weight gain just might be what my body needs to grow another life. My midwives continued not to care because I start out small and super fit and remained a different version of fit and healthy with no risks throughout my experience. My belly grew out to a huge status this second time that brought on lots of comments from passers by. I struggled throughout the pregnancy (again) with this new body but constantly tried to remind myself of the power and beauty I had because I WAS strong and I WAS beautiful, even as the body shifted again with another new human growing from it. Each passing day I vowed to love being big and probably the highest expression of what it means to be in one's feminine power! Heck, I even led a retreat in late 3rd trimester and modeled for a Prenatal yoga book! And I had a most beautiful birth. 

Now that the baby is out, however, I look into my eyes in the mirror and genuinely smile in love toward myself, yet try not to cringe at the rest of me while I continue day by day in the prickly transition of this very strange current body. This is very different than simply gaining weight. I mean, I grew a human! Gaining weight is part of the process. So I should be easy on myself. And trust me, I am many days. It's more that once the baby comes out, it's so different than having the baby attached as a part of your body. You've just gone through this incredibly profound experience and yet now all of a sudden physically you feel so far from yourself. People no longer comment on how you "glow" anymore. You look in the mirror and you see a tired woman who is still healing on every realm from the experience of birth. You put pressure on yourself about the added weight, even though you know you shouldn't. You don't feel even remotely sexy (that comes back, yes, but not right away), and you have absolutely nothing to wear. So for me, doing something for myself (like getting a haircut, or buying some new clothes and accessories) goes a long way. It varies for each new mama and definitely helps...but if the self-love doesn't come from within, then what good are those temporary things? This is where your mama tribe of friends (either online or in person) comes in. You know, the ones who are reading this and it resonates with them. It helps to have outlets of other goddess mamas to relate to. 

This second time postpartum I feel has been even harder for me body image-wise even though I knew what to expect. I lose the first 20 pounds within the first month. It's the next 25-30 that hang on for another few months to a year and slowly start to come off as I continue to breastfeed and get back into a regular routine of yoga, walking and exercise. 
My belly got even more stretched, so the loose skin is more prevalent in my middle than after the first time giving birth, and though I can hold a strong plank, my core has a long way to go before it's toned. My hips and thighs are probably the biggest they've ever been from this experience. It's so strange to see myself in this new way in photos and in the mirror. I feel strong and able and I feel beautiful but can only hope that some resemblance of "me" will arrive in the months to come. I'm happy to have all that I do...as I said earlier, which is all that matters.  I'm just so grateful to have another healthy baby. And so, isn't this part of our lifelong practice as yoginis, or just as humans? Letting go of the potential outcomes. Being ourselves. Finding beauty in every moment. Embracing imperfection, transitions, and all of the lessons put in front of us. This is all part of the work and I've been in the thick of it this autumn. The feelings are the same cycle I went through after having Isak, so I remember and breathe them out. Who cares if it will probably take longer this time around to shed the weight (not just physical) of the pregnancy? 
Plus, I exclusively breastfeed, and though it's different for every woman, apparently it's actually better to lose the weight slower because then your toxic load (which we all have from environmental exposure...even if you pay attention to what you put in/on your body) isn't dumped as fast into your milk, and the baby will hopefully steer clear of that junk a little longer.
*Please do read, Breasts: a natural and unnatural history by Florence Williams!

It takes at least the whole first month to 2 months to heal from the birth, and even more than that to find a rhythm with the breastfeeding (if you choose to do so). When you're a completely new mama, you might be overwhelmed with it all and exhausted. And when you already have another child, there's not a whole lot of other time to spend on oneself as the mama. You have to be really good at managing the time for self care (instead of cleaning or accepting every playdate) or good at delegating duties to your partner or family. This takes time to figure out, but once you do, it will be a game changer. I've been trying hard to carve out some yoga time for myself every week. Some weeks I've been getting in 3 or more (short) practices, and others just 1-2. But every day I do at least a down dog or other basic poses that will stretch out my overtired upper back and shoulders and find length from all the holding and feedings of the day. The pose I miss the most is savasana...so perhaps I have to get better at starting with that?
Really, all new mamas would probably benefit most from just doing savasana or a meditation every day instead of worrying about exercise or other practice. This is what I find I truly need, but of course there's the urge to want to move your body again! And start losing weight to feel great in your own skin again. At times I find myself overdoing it in that need to want to feel that resemblance of me, but then surrender I do. Luckily I know myself well enough now to just sit with my breath in some yin or restorative postures those times I really need it instead of busting out another vinyasa. More importantly, when I step on my yoga mat, I feel the same me as always. In my heart space, in the poses, in the breath, I am me and always will be, no matter the size or shape. I'm looking forward to continuing the task of simply treating my body with love and respect and embracing what that holds.

Me and baby Gus at 8 weeks post-birth, photo by Cara Brostrom

Postnatal Yoga Photo Journey

Here I am around 2 months after birthing my sweet Gus. I'm in my home practice space where he and I share interrupted yoga time together of on/off nursing, giggle and smiling breaks, walking around the room breaks...before I get too hungry or tired and then the practice is done for the day.
Soon enough, he won't be so teeny or nursing as much, and this stage will be gone. I'll love getting out to class more often (or at all), and the regular nap schedule (so one can hope) will mean a longer home practice. But this moment in time is one that provides such deep connection and brings a humbling aspect to humanity. I am so very lucky to get to be at home with him and experience it.
To all of you 4th trimester mamas out there (whether now, in the recent past, or still to come), be as loving as you can to yourself now. Know that time brings healing, newfound confidence again, and much more wisdom than you ever thought you'd have.

All photos copyright Cara Brostrom Photography. Thank you Cara for your unending support, friendship, and art as a fellow yogini mama. I am forever grateful.

My 3 year old provides welcome interruption for a hug and hello

Mom and Baby Yoga time

Nursing break!

Shirt by my friend An Li and pants from Be Present.