Monday, September 26, 2011

Getting into a new Flow with the first Autumn New Moon

I had planned to attend Clay's vinyasa class at The Yoga Room this morning...but my 6 1/2 month old boy decided he wanted to nurse 30 min. before class started.  I did zoom there but clocking in at 7 minutes too late, well, that is not so cool when it's a pretty full class already.  So, I began to head back home but it was a brilliant morning and heck, I already had the time to myself slotted, so why not head to the beach?  Nantucket is splendid this time of year.  I was the only person on the beach.  With water bottle and yoga mat in tow, I took some solitude to honor the Libra New Moon and work on balancing asanas.  A butterfly greeted me, seabirds twitted about, and then just as I was entering nataranjasana, a sweet seal swam up to greet me!  The sea sparkled and I am grateful.  So THIS is how one flows.  So happy I didn't just head home.  Learning to find balance in life is probably the hardest thing humans attempt, but yoga (and striving to live your yoga) is one of the only ways I have experienced it to be somewhat possible.  These days I find myself doing yoga asanas on walks while Isak is in the baby bjorn, in front of the tv if my husband and I want to watch something, out on the deck while baby is sleeping in his when I do have time slotted to myself just for me, well I better use it to breathe and move my body intuitively.
I am awakened a bit from the weekend, when the uber inspiring, down to earth, so experienced yogis of the White Lotus Foundation came to lead a retreat.  Ganga White and Tracey Rich were here to teach 3 days of asana, pranayama, meditation.  I was only able to sign up for the Saturday morning session, but I was so happy that I did!  I have not taken a workshop with such "high profile" yogis in the longest time where there was no ounce of ego from either of them, and I felt at ease and connected to learning new ways of looking at the breath and asanas.  I have been thinking about it ever since and am already scheming in my brain how I can study with them again someday.  Thank you Caitlin Marcoux for getting them to come here and share their energies!
With these last couple of days of listening to myself and doing what I feel, it's a strong Libra New Moon message.  I am ready to start a new cycle and to stop beating myself up.  As a new mom, life can be confusing and it's easy to get caught up in the rat race of shoulds and should nots.  I've felt a little lost at times knowing that I'm not back to teaching yet in Boston, I'm not working on marketing myself...will my students remember me?  Will I still be a desirable teacher?  Will I move out of mommy brain fog and remember how to be a smooth, knowledgable teacher?  Of course I will.  But it's taken me 6 months to find my flow again (in yoga practice, in motherhood, in who I am) and well, maybe it will take 6 more to get back to my teaching groove.  I don't care for the new competitiveness of the yoga world.  It leaves new mommies who like to live a simple life feeling like they don't exist anymore.  There's always a hot new yogini to take my place.
When thoughts like this enter my realm, I go back to the books I'm reading at the moment (Yoga as Medicine, Living Your Yoga, Iron Butterflies: Women Transforming Themselves and the World) and I take it all in.  I look at my sweet, beautiful, fun baby boy and I take it all in.  I kiss my supportive and amazing husband and I take it all in.  This is what my life is about right now.  My flow is a slow flow.  I will return to the fast paced flow soon enough and then I will yearn for this slow life back.  That's usually how it works, right?  But maybe I'm learning.  Maybe I'll hold on to some of this slowness and bring it back to the city.  Balance.  For now, I eat a little chocolate each day, dance with the flowers, feel the wind in my warrior, and love it just as it is.

1 comment:

Naz said...

love this post, Jenn. right on. we all need to slow down a bit, not worry about what other people think, and just live in our own flow. thanks for the inspiration!! xoxo